My balls are so social today.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
