My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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