Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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