Are we in a gay sports bar?
I bet he comes in French.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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