I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
