I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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