I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
