I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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