last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
