I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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