Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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