I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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