Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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