Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
