I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
