I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
