I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
