It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
