He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
