And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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