We won't sleep together?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
