I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
