tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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