If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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