doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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