the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize