we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
