Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
