we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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