Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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