yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
