hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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