it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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