Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
