How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
