White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
