I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
