Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My vagina just recognized that song.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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