eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
