I heard we made out
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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