I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
