Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
