Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize