theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
