it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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