I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
