Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
