I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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