i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize