Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
