Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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