I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
