I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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