I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
