apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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