DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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