No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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