summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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