Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
