I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
