so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
