Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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