Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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