I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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