Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
