I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think people are normalizing furries
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize