gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
