yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize