I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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