Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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