we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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