In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
