I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
