So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
