its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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