allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we made out on top of his cat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
